Last week, I asked my beloved readers (you) what questions you had for an escort, sex worker, or anyone working in the sex industry.
This kind of post was always one of the posts I’d been so looking forward to writing about. But, I’d realised that I couldn’t even begin to start writing without finding a way of putting it to you!
Many brain cells had to be engaged to figure this out. I got there in the end 😂
I put it to you all (read the original post here). I got questions both as comments and through email and text message.
I was blown away by the range and variety of questions you had. It was so fun to read!
Without further adieu, let’s get into it.
From Baz:
Is that first new visit still thrilling?
How about if you see a “regular”?
In my experience the first time is still thrilling?
Was just curious to get your perspective
There are a few points to talk about here and I’m gonna talk about them as I interpret them.
First of all, the first new visit (I’m guessing with a new client, you mean), is always nerve-wracking. As I only do outcalls, so I’m traveling to potentially someone’s house, and this comes with a level of risk for me.
I have a friend I am in communication with both before and after the visit. This is purely to keep me safe.
A first visit can be exciting and there is a thrill to it, and it does give me confidence, but ultimately I’m more thinking about the place I’m going to, the way our conversations have gone, and what has been requested.
I want you and I to be safe.
Seeing a ‘regular’ (someone I consider to have met more than once), even if it’s only the second visit, can still be very nerve-wracking.
There is thrill, and I do find myself feeling so much more relaxed and able to share more of who I am with regulars.
I’d much rather see a regular any day. Maybe this reduces the thrill, but there’s way more to it than that.
I find it easier to discuss different ideas with those regulars, and leads to a more relaxed and open experience. It might also lead to different role plays or fantasies that my clients may want to play out. It’s so much easier with someone you know.
I hope that answers your question, Baz!
Next question.
From Mark
Hi Lexi, great blog which I have enjoyed reading.
One thing that I’ve always wanted to ask is this.
Would you ever meet a regular customer outside of the sex-worker / customer dynamic (not as a “date” – but more like two friends going for a drink). I’ve often wondered if sex-workers can be friends / friendly with their customers away from the provision of a service, or would that be overstepping a professional boundary?
This is such a great question, and something I’m sure many clients have considered.
As part of doing my research for this blog, I’ve done a whole lot of reading around sex workers/sex bloggers and the relationships they develop with their clients.
I’ve read that some women escorts have gone to museums with clients, they’ve gone for coffee, and they’ve built up really amazing relationships with clients that involve friendships.
For me, I’ve only been escorting for a few months now (not including when I was at uni 13 years ago). I don’t feel that any of my clients currently are at that stage. I’m still ‘fresh’.
That’s not saying that I haven’t built up some great relationships with the people I’ve seen so far.
I’ve shared information about me, and vice versa, including sexual escapades and the fun non-sexual stuff I’ve done.
That’s the part of the job I love the most. I think it shows the human part of me.
Ultimately though, my sex work is my job. I take my role very seriously. I wouldn’t want to blur the lines between personal and professional life.
Next one.
From Nigel
Do you think since the rise of sites such as OnyFans etc, that sex work has become more acceptable in the eyes of society? Prostitution (I hate that word) is the world’s oldest profession, and has always had a stigma attached to it, but it seems you can’t go on Instagram or Tiktok these days without seeing girls who have an OnlyFans.
I’d be interested in your opinion.
Let’s talk about it.
Sex work will never be accepted in the eyes of society. Even if it is the oldest profession – sex workers will always be looked down on and told to get a ‘real job’ or to ‘find God’ (I’m an atheist), amongst other things.
Nevermind the fact that us sex workers are only taking part in capitalism and the exchanging of our services for money, you know, to be alive.
I also won’t go down the rabbit hole today that Marx addresses around the gap between underpaid workers and the profits being made from the items they’re making (a post for another day).
This leads me onto three points:
1. When Onlyfans came on the scene, I thought Adultwork would be doomed.
Onlyfans broke into a market that Adultwork hadn’t even considered. It created a much more personal connection between service user and service provider.
Turns out Onlyfans could never compete with Adultwork as it doesn’t host webcam, webchat or companion services.
2. I realised Onlyfans has a certain target audience and it revolves around social media
Social media (especially video-based media) is popular. As a saddo, my research when writing my ooooold mental health blog back in 2014 predicted that video content would eventually dominate.
Yay – they were right. Onlyfans has a targeted audience and they’ve done well in targeting the audience they aimed for.
3. Being a sex worker has become more accepted with the help of Onlyfans
I follow a number of male influencers that talk about toxic masculinity and patriarchy. One of them has an Onlyfans account.
He talks a lot about how women are viewed on Onlyfans compared to women. He mentions that whether you’re a man or woman, you’re still considered undateable if you have an Onlyfans account.
So yeah, although I do think the discussions around sex work has improved with Onlyfans, it’s still majorly stigmatised.
Last question
From Scott
Really great blog and some interesting stuff.
As a customer/pundit, there’s always the thought in the back of my mind there could be an element of danger due to not knowing the person, as the person who provides the service, is this something you wrestle with in your mind?
The second question is, if you don’t find the client/customer particularly attractive, how do you motivate yourself to engage in the booking? Do you have some coping mechanism?
This is another fantastic question. I have addressed the safety aspect above from my perspective so won’t go into that again.
What I would like to say is that I totally get that as a new client, you’re also going to be nervous and worry about potential danger.
I’ve read some real horror stories from clients meeting escorts. Until a few months ago, I had no idea that there might be people looking to set potential punters up for disgusting situations and was horrified seeing these situations. I’m not naive, but I suppose I only saw the risk aspect from the escorts point of view.
On the second question, and I’m not fibbing here, my personal relationships have always centred around personality.
I don’t see beauty in looks, it’s never played any part in how attracted I am to someone. It probably stems from me not seeing my beauty or prettiness – I’m told I am but I just don’t see it.
Making me laugh, being respectful and kindness will always come above how you look.
Going back to the point made – my role as an escort involves so much more than how attracted I am to my client. Honestly, I don’t need to be attracted to my clients to enjoy the work.
I don’t need a coping mechanism – each interaction involves a connection that supersedes attraction.
I’m able to authentically enjoy the experience and I hope that comes across.
So. Fourteen hundred words later and I’ve finally reached the conclusion of this post.
Flipping hell, I love my blog.
I love your questions and I have loved writing replies so honestly for you.
Finally, you all validate my writing and make me realise that although I’m an escort, I’m so much more than that.
*quick update since writing this*
There have been some more questions that I fully plan on addressing. Watch this space!
Love you all.
Ta-ra for now
Lexi Rose xx
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