I Need Your Opinions: Are Women ‘Asking For It’?

*warning*

I am going to touch on some sensitive subjects today, which includes personal experiences I’ve gone through.

I’d really appreciate it if we could stay respectful of personal experiences that I and others may have gone through in the comments.

I, of all people, know that most men don’t think that women are ‘asking for it’. But, there is still that stereotype.

Let me rewind a bit as to how this blog post came about.

I’ve just been watching a documentary on BBC Three by Emily Atack: Asking For It?

The scene I’ve just watched was around Emily asking a group of men why other men send unsolicited dick pics to girls as young as 12, women, and celebrities.

Photo credit: Joey Z1 on VisualHunt

They said, “Because we can”. Another man said that he’d recently came out as bisexual. He said that the minute that happened, almost the day later, he started getting dick pics that were unwanted.

Emily flippantly said something like, “Welcome to the club”. This particular man admitted it was horrible and very a unpleasant experience.

Another man in the group said that when he went to university, he realised that there was so much pressure on him to look a certain way, and that ‘hook up’ culture was another pressure for him.

Emily had been receiving messages from men for years, one embarrassingly called “Daddy Dave” (a name he gave himself), among others.

Photo credit: sekihan on Visualhunt.com

Emily also interviewed some school-aged girls which highlighted that they felt they were targeted even more when they were in their school uniform. This reminded me of a time when I was walking to school in my uniform: a grey jumper, skirt and tights. I was 15 at the time. A man in a white van shouted at me, “Nice tits”.

Was I asking for it then? Does me wearing makeup (for myself and no-one else) mean I’m asking for it? Wearing a nice dress that makes me feel confident mean I’m asking for it?

Anyway, I’d highly recommend watching Emily Atack’s documentary if you get a chance. It’s a well produced documentary, with some difficult discussions worth thinking about.Y

You can click the image below to take to to BBC iPlayer:

Emily Atack is best known for playing Charlotte in The Inbetweeners, who is now a TV personality and comedian.

The topic got me thinking about my current role. I’m a sex worker. I’m used to receiving messages of an explicit nature and usually just results in an eye roll when I know the senders are just looking to indulge in their fantasy.

It’s why I don’t answer phone calls anymore (unless I’ve met the client before and have a level of trust). I try and send a text after, asking if they’d like to make a booking. But it never usually results in much, confirming what I already knew.

Photo credit: Atelier Teee on VisualHunt

Here are a few of the types of messages I receive almost daily:

  • Domination/humiliation descriptions. Sometimes quite graphic
  • Objectified one-liners referring to my boobs/bum/body in general
  • Fantasies from men wanting to cheat on their wife and wanting to know how much I’d enjoy it
  • Fantasies around school aged girls, specifics including me wearing white cotton underwear which gives the illusion of immaturity/childlike-ness.
  • On my mobile, I’ve received unsolicited dick pics
  • Being told to fuck off when I don’t reciprocate a booking.

Just to name a few.

Photo credit: QuinnDombrowski on VisualHunt

So. My question to you, my lovely readers, are women asking for it?

If you decide to leave a comment, just remember that you do have to leave an email address, but no-one sees it, not even me (I tested it!).

I’d love to know your thoughts. Remember: please be respectful!

Love,

Lexi Rose xx

6 Comments

  1. avatar
    Richard says:

    I don’t think it’s as much “women asking for it” its more women make choices for things they wear or do without understanding the ways things will be interpreted by men.

    For example women like tight fitting clothing leaving little for us men little to imagine about.

    Guys say things like nice tits because blood has rushed away from the brain and we are lacking the ability to make an intelligent comment at that moment. We also say that sort of thing we want to hear back e.g. nice boner or like the way your buldging.

    And finally dick pics we send them because we think you want to see our dicks as much as we want to see pussy pics some guys have learned it’s not going to happen.

    To to sum it up guys think differently and we do things because we think it will result in a specific response however the recipient thinks a different way.

    6 Comments
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    1. avatar
      roselexi164 says:

      Thanks for your thoughts, Richard. I can totally understand what you mean when you say some women like to wear tight fitting clothing which might leave little to some men’s imagination. 

      Also, when men get turned on and their blood rushes away from their brain, I can imagine it prevents their ability to make intelligent comment. 

      I completely agree with your point that men and women see things differently. You seem intelligent enough to understand that your media message was unwanted; maybe reflect on whether the recipient is open to receiving it before sending.

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      1. avatar
        Richard says:

        Thank you for your kind words.
        I’ve always made a personal study of trying to understand the fairer sex. I also feel lucky my girlfriend has an interest in the male perspective.

        I also found an interesting forum a few years ago called Girls ask guys which is a handy place to exchange opinions between the sexes to try and understand there differing opinions.

        6 Comments
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  2. avatar
    Mick says:

    Another great post, which opens an important gateway to a discussion men need to have.

    The objectification of women has unfortunately become mainstream in almost all walks of life, and when a strong women wants to use her sexuality for whatever reason she has – it’s deemed to be slutty behaviour.

    When I was going through puberty, naturally porn was a large part of that period. Back then, the only way to get access to adult material was top shelf magazines or low quality VHS tapes.

    Porn is unquestionably mysoginistic, and from that young age, the notion that a woman is there to be used for sexual gratification could shape a young mind into thinking this kind of behaviour is the norm.

    When it became time to have sex, the only basis one would have is the actions viewed through porn.

    Foreplay? Kissing? Respect?

    Nope. I’ve been conditioned to think that sex is purely for male pleasure, and the harder and faster the sex – the more she’ll moan and want more (after all, this is how porn taught me how to have sex).

    Also seeing comments made by the “leader of the free world”, Donald Trump could reinforce those views.

    “Grab her by the pussy. They love that”

    If the President of the USA behaves like that, then surely it’s OK for me to do the same?

    Thankfully, the majority of men realise that this isn’t actually the way to treat women. But some don’t….

    A woman (or anyone for that matter) should be able to express themselves in a way that makes them feel good, and not feel guilty for doing so.

    It doesn’t matter if a woman dresses in a short skirt, tight top or high heels.

    It sickens me to know that when men see a woman who dresses in a way that makes her feel good, it somehow gives them the right to assume she’s “up for it”.

    If you are a man who assumes that you have the right to wolf whistle, objectify or comment on a woman’s attire, physical appearance or any aspect of their being without being DIRECTLY asked for such an opinion, then you seriously need to give your head a wobble.

    6 Comments
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  3. avatar
    Geordie Richard says:

    We all have a choice: to act, or refrain from acting in a particular way.

    Therefore it doesn’t matter what a woman is doing, what she’s wearing or how it makes a man feel: women are not responsible for men’s actions when they sexually abuse or harrass women.

    It doesn’t matter what reason is behind their behaviour: women are not to blame for a man’s lack of empathy, his ignorance, his stupidity, his poor judgement or his bad decisions. Nor are they at fault in rare cases when a man has some level of diminished responsibility due to mental illness, a learning disability or some other condition.

    So no, women aren’t asking for it. It’s depressing that such a fact should even be up for debate still.

    6 Comments
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